How to Love Yourself

I believe we have been hearing this same thing over and over again ; “love yourself”. Maybe you’ve got tired of hearing it already. But in my own experience, it truly is the foundation of everything. And loving yourself here is not about being self-absorbed or in narcissistic sense, instead, by how you treat, nourish, and respect yourself from the inside. People who truly love themselves properly, are the ones who know how to treat other people with respect. You can feel positive energy just radiates from them.

I am not here to preach and put myself above anyone else, but rather share with you what I learnt throughout the years to finally able to love myself unconditionally. Of course as a human being, I am not perfect and I can feel low too sometimes. But the point is how I can manage to always get back up and continue my life in a positive mindset.

In this blogpost I will share with you 7 steps you can take in order to learn how to start loving yourself (more).

1. Get connected to your soul

Be aware that inside of this physical body, you are a soul. A soul is pure because it’s directly connected to the source of life. Your soul is of the same matter with the universe. Then there is a child, whose voice is very sensitive, proud, and always shouting or telling you all the negative thoughts. It is our ego. Learn how to separate your soul and your ego. What I like to visualize when I have this negative thoughts, is to imagine there is a “mini Hegia” sitting in my heart, who is a child, crying and nagging, and actually needs comfort. I then imagine myself coming down to see this “mini Hegia”, sit with her, caressing her head like a mother would do to her child, make a conversation with her (conversation with yourself is very important) and tell her that everything will be fine. Because your soul knows the way, will only lead you to a good place, and wants only the best thing for you.

2.ย Embrace all your flaws

You can write down on 2 different piece of paper, preferably in a similar size with your palm. One paper for what you like about yourself, and the other one about what you dislike about yourself and want to improve. When you’re done, put each piece on each palm of your hands, and then close your hands together and rub the 2 piece of paper together as if you want to unite them. This is a powerful visualization, imagine that now, these two sides of you, are actually one. You are both of the things you love about yourself and your “flaws”. Some people give advice on how to love your flaws is to know that there are other people who would actually love them. It is true, but for me it is not enough to help me build a strong self-love foundation. I would not love myself only because other people love me first. I would love myself because I accept myself completely.

3. Choose Gratitude

This is a very important step and what will really switch your perspective. You can create a routine of writing down everything that you feel grateful for everyday when you wake up (trust me, it will really set a better mood for the day!) And be grateful for every single thing in your daily life throughout the day, thank your eyes for seeing all the beautiful things in life, thank your legs for taking you to places, thank your home for protecting you from the cold and rain, and so on. There are countless blessings in our lives that we take for granted because we only focus on things that we don’t have or lacking. And when we don’t get what we want, for example, still be grateful for it. Because a lot of blessings, actually come in disguise. ๐Ÿ™‚

4. Switch from the negative into positive wordings

I believe that whatever we say or think, the universe hears it and will actually grant it to us. So it is important to be mindful of our words and thoughts. When you tell yourself that you’re ugly -for example-, then everything around you would lead you to believe that it’s the truth. And also, I want to remind you that I strongly believe, being beautiful and FEELING beautiful has little to nothing to do with your appearance. That’s why we have to tell ourselves that we are beautiful. Imagine like this. We have this beautiful and unique vase. We would do our best to take care of it, right? To clean it, polish it so it keeps clear and shiny, put beautiful flowers in it. So when we believe that we are beautiful, we will be more motivated to take care of ourselves more. And guess what will happen if we take a good care of ourselves? You’ll be beautiful and people will notice it too! ๐Ÿ™‚

5. Reclaim your power

This could be challenging because people can be so judgemental toward others. And sometimes if could happen that when you already feel good about yourself, then somebody said something mean about or to you and it crushed your confidence. This is why we need to reclaim our power on our self-worth. Remember that mean people are actually the ones who are hurting and feel the most insecure about themselves so they need to lash it on others, especially to the ones that they are feeling jealous of. Create some kind of a security wall around your heart, and nobody can trespass it without your permission. But ofc, you need to be able to distinguish which one is constructive advice or plain mean negativity. For me, I learnt how to take a constructive advice because I know now how to separate my soul and my ego. A constructive advice will help you to be a better person. And that’s what your soul wants too.

6. Focus on your own journey

It is easy to feel down and unworthy when you see other people’s success. But my number 1 advice would be: ignore what other people do. They have nothing to do with your own journey to be successful. We all have our own path and uniqueness, and the amount of success available in this universe is limitless. I’ve already written a whole article about how to deal with jealousy if you want to read. And rather than be competitive, it is better to be collaborative right? But again, don’t beg for them to help you give them power to be the only source of your success. You are the source of your own success. You have that key. You have the power. Keep doing your own thing.

7. Be the source

Here comes the last step. When you love yourself completely, you will feel abundant with love and positivity. You will be surprised on how people actually love to hang out with you, because you radiate with positive energy. Be the source of kindness and respect. People who love themselves are not afraid to give others compliments, because they know it will not take anything away from them.

And of all these steps, always remember to always do it for yourself. Not to please others or seek for their validation. Take care of yourself even when nobody is watching. Feeling good about yourself comes from within.

I hope you find this article helpful in some way. This is a topic that I feel so passionate about. Even if it only reached the heart of one person and make her/him feel better, I am already grateful.

 

With love,

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self love

Dear, Jealousy

Welcome to my first post of self-help series. It’s been on my mind for a long time that I want to be able to share my view about life, and I want to be able to give you more value. We can all wear beautiful clothes and drink cute coffees but how about our inner happiness?

So let me start with one topic that had been (indirectly) causing me trouble recently: jealousy.

Jealousy is one of the ugliest emotions a human being can have. It is one of the seven deadly sins for a reason, right? It is an emotion that most people can have but never want to admit. What scary about jealousy is that it is so sneaky and it can disguise itself in different forms, enter your system, and make you act out of it without you actually realising it.

When someone is jealous of you

I always try to live my life happily with what I have, mind my own business and not causing people trouble. A lot of problem happened to me or my closest people (read: family) because of jealousy from others. I first didn’t think that what they did to me came out of jealousy, I thought I did something wrong to them or something. But I barely have any interaction with those people, so how could I have offended them in any way? I cannot really share with you the details of what i have experienced because it is too private. But in a big picture, there are 1-2 of my relatives who always have it on me and my siblings, sneakily trying to find something wrong with us and report it behind our back. For years.

And I also had someone at my old workplace who bullied me no matter how hard and well I did my job. At first I always blamed it on myself, maybe I did something wrong that I was not aware of. Funnily, it was other people, my other colleagues, who noticed that, that person just simply always had it on me.

Maybe because I have things or accomplishment that they don’t have, or they simply feel threatened by my mere existence. I don’t know. So this is my starting point of trying to understand how jealousy works. How to recognise it, and react accordingly.

What I came to understand is that when someone gets jealous of you, it’s not about you. It’s about themselves. They feel unhappy and insecure about their lives and situation, and trying to lash out their misery on others, making others’ lives miserable so then they can feel better about themselves. When I came to understand this, while others might feel the need to return the bad deed and make that person experience the same hell, I chose to feel compassionate.

From the bottom of my heart, I really wish that those people – who always try to make my life miserable – to finally find happiness and inner peace within themselves. Spending their time to focus on building the best life they can, and mind their own business. Happiness is an inner job, no true happiness can come out of making other people look bad.

If it’s you who are jealous of others

Let’s admit, we all have it. I also experience this feeling once in a while toward others who (I think) are more successful than me or have something that I don’t have. Sometimes it is inevitable to feel it. But it’s not like we can’t do anything about it. We can!

Firstly, we need to identify that emotion. You first feel the stingy sensation when you see someone you’re jealous of. It’s okay, accept that emotion with compassion. Be at peace with yourself. And try to remember that our universe is filled with abundance. Only because someone else got the opportunity that you want, doesn’t mean that there is only one opportunity available in this world and lifetime. Trust the universe that what you need and what you want, are already available for you. Same with everyone. So when it happens that the other person got her timing now, tell yourself that next time it could be your timing too! Conglaturate that person, and thank the universe/God for what you already have. Be a person that has a big and open heart. Because when your heart is big, it makes it open for more blessings to come into your life.

After you can finally identify the ugly emotion that you are feeling as jealousy, you can start working with your mindset immediately and prevent yourself to act based on it. It saves you not only from the guilt from making an innocent person’s life miserable, but also saves you so much time and energy. Use your precious time and energy to focus on your own journey for a better self and success.

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I hope you enjoyed this post, my dear friends ๐Ÿ™‚

and wish you a lovely start of October!

Love,

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