Welcome to my first post of self-help series. It’s been on my mind for a long time that I want to be able to share my view about life, and I want to be able to give you more value. We can all wear beautiful clothes and drink cute coffees but how about our inner happiness?
So let me start with one topic that had been (indirectly) causing me trouble recently: jealousy.
Jealousy is one of the ugliest emotions a human being can have. It is one of the seven deadly sins for a reason, right? It is an emotion that most people can have but never want to admit. What scary about jealousy is that it is so sneaky and it can disguise itself in different forms, enter your system, and make you act out of it without you actually realising it.
When someone is jealous of you
I always try to live my life happily with what I have, mind my own business and not causing people trouble. A lot of problem happened to me or my closest people (read: family) because of jealousy from others. I first didn’t think that what they did to me came out of jealousy, I thought I did something wrong to them or something. But I barely have any interaction with those people, so how could I have offended them in any way? I cannot really share with you the details of what i have experienced because it is too private. But in a big picture, there are 1-2 of my relatives who always have it on me and my siblings, sneakily trying to find something wrong with us and report it behind our back. For years.
And I also had someone at my old workplace who bullied me no matter how hard and well I did my job. At first I always blamed it on myself, maybe I did something wrong that I was not aware of. Funnily, it was other people, my other colleagues, who noticed that, that person just simply always had it on me.
Maybe because I have things or accomplishment that they don’t have, or they simply feel threatened by my mere existence. I don’t know. So this is my starting point of trying to understand how jealousy works. How to recognise it, and react accordingly.
What I came to understand is that when someone gets jealous of you, it’s not about you. It’s about themselves. They feel unhappy and insecure about their lives and situation, and trying to lash out their misery on others, making others’ lives miserable so then they can feel better about themselves. When I came to understand this, while others might feel the need to return the bad deed and make that person experience the same hell, I chose to feel compassionate.
From the bottom of my heart, I really wish that those people – who always try to make my life miserable – to finally find happiness and inner peace within themselves. Spending their time to focus on building the best life they can, and mind their own business. Happiness is an inner job, no true happiness can come out of making other people look bad.
If it’s you who are jealous of others
Let’s admit, we all have it. I also experience this feeling once in a while toward others who (I think) are more successful than me or have something that I don’t have. Sometimes it is inevitable to feel it. But it’s not like we can’t do anything about it. We can!
Firstly, we need to identify that emotion. You first feel the stingy sensation when you see someone you’re jealous of. It’s okay, accept that emotion with compassion. Be at peace with yourself. And try to remember that our universe is filled with abundance. Only because someone else got the opportunity that you want, doesn’t mean that there is only one opportunity available in this world and lifetime. Trust the universe that what you need and what you want, are already available for you. Same with everyone. So when it happens that the other person got her timing now, tell yourself that next time it could be your timing too! Conglaturate that person, and thank the universe/God for what you already have. Be a person that has a big and open heart. Because when your heart is big, it makes it open for more blessings to come into your life.
After you can finally identify the ugly emotion that you are feeling as jealousy, you can start working with your mindset immediately and prevent yourself to act based on it. It saves you not only from the guilt from making an innocent person’s life miserable, but also saves you so much time and energy. Use your precious time and energy to focus on your own journey for a better self and success.
I hope you enjoyed this post, my dear friends 🙂
and wish you a lovely start of October!